March 05, 2011

The Day I Used A Phone Book

I remember experiencing power outages when I was younger. Back then it was like an adventure. I would take on of the candles my mom lit and explore the mysterious darkened catacombs of my 3 bedroom house. I would make a phone call to one of my friends on the land-line phone that just worked ALL THE TIME. I don't really remember feeling the burden of trying to figure out how to pass the time.
When my power went off earlier this week I was like "Oh fuck! what do I do now?!?" Everything I do requires electricity. I could have made a phone call because my cell is fully charged but everyone I know is at work. Yet another downside to working the graveyard shift. I was fortunate in one way which is that it happened around the time that I was going to take a nap anyway.

Electricity goes out.
I turned my laptop off and hoped the power would be back on when I woke up.

It wasn't.
I'm back to "holy fuck-balls what do it do?!?>@?#!@?!>"

 Decide what to do.

Ok first I should call the power company just in case I wasn't the only one to just go about what I was doing and assume they'd find out another way. I go to the kitchen and retrieve the phone book. I blow the dust off of it... well maybe not but that's just because its only a month old... and bring it back to my room. I turn the light on so I can see it better. Fuck no I don't because the electricity is out and it's not one of those whale oil burning lamps. I use the light of my cell phone to locate the number and call them. I was told it would be back on with in two hours. Which was good because at least I could stop worrying about freezing to death. I also liked when the lady wanted to look up my account and asked for the home phone number there. I held back a scoff, shook my head and said we don't have a land line...? And then she asked for the name on the account. Sigh

 What else?

I try to think of what else can I do with my not-internet-connected phone other than text Facebook statuses and tweets? Oh yeah I need to make an appointment to bring my car in (I may have been thinking about that when I wrote last week's story and yeah it wasn't until a power outage made me really bored after 5 minutes that I finally did it Wednesday). I needed to look up the phone number so I reached for my laptop. FUCK! No internet. Back to the phone book. I open to the S-es cause I know the place starts with an S. There's a lot of them so I turn on the light.

 NO I DON'T!!! (Are you seeing the pattern?)

I live in a small town, not a metropolis, so there's only two pages of business S-es so I figure it's going to be one of the bold or highlighted ones. This is still a lot to try to look through if using a cell phone as a flash light. It just now occurs to me to open my curtains. That's better. I successfully make the appointment.

Now what?

I figure I can cook something since I have a gas stove. I take a pit stop at my windowless bathroom. I think you know what's coming and dammit if I didn't try to turn the friggin' light on.

I don't need much, if any, light to pee so this wasn't a deal breaker just annoying because I don't like finding out how retarded I am. I go to the kitchen I try to light the stove. NOPE. I was hoping this wouldn't be an issue but I wasn't sure, the little sparky thing [what is that called?] that lights the gas is electric. For smokers there is a simple solution. hold your lighter up to the burner, turn on the gas, vola! For a non-smoker this means "what the hell did I do with my lighter?" I walk around my room looking in possible locations I might have stashed it. I haven't lighted any of my candles in quite some time.

No dice.

I decide I will go to the store, pick up some groceries and while I'm at it a lighter or 5 and kill time and be able to cook. I start to go through my recipes so that I can make something to use for one of my blog recipes.


As I struggle to find something I want to make, I hear my DVD player making noises I whip my head around and the "VIZIO" on my TV is glowing! IT"S ALIVE!!! I get back into bed and start writing a blog post about not having electricity. Life is worth living again.


  1. Ugh, I hate finding out how retarded I am, too. :)

  2. powercut dont really affect me unless dere's a test coming up. u c i sleep like d sleeping beauty for 10 hours and still feel sleepy!

  3. A similar thing has happened to me too! Gosh I really need to start relying less on technology! Your pics are PRICELESS! especially the Chandler one :P I can see you love friends :) That part was amazing!

  4. The last time my power went out, it was at like 2am on a weeknight. I woke up going "Wow, that was a really refreshing sleep! And my alarm ahsn't even gone off yet!! I wonder if it's worth going back to sleep. What time is it? 9.05am? SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!" Fun times...

  5. @Stacey: I know right?

    @nabo: I know what you mean but it's hard to sleep for long stretches during the day

    @Apfel: Thanks!! I do love friends. Friends and Seinfeld have been staple additions to my entries.

    @Melbourne: NOOOOOOOOO! I'm always terrified that that will happen which is why I use my cell phone as an alarm.

  6. The power went out here on Monday. It went something like this:
    4:45 PM: Tornado warning
    5:30 PM: Tornado warning expires
    7:45 PM: Power goes out
    8:30 PM: Friend calls, giving me something to do
    9:00 PM: Call ends, am bored
    9:45 PM: Call power company
    9:50 PM: Go take a trip in hopes that the power comes back while I'm gone
    11:00 PM: Come back to the dark
    11:05 PM: Call power company again, then play demos of games that came on my cell phone
    12:05 AM: Call power company yet again
    12:30 AM: Take a dump in the dark
    12:45 AM: Power finally comes back on

  7. First of all, TMI on the 12:30 event.
    Second, what did the power company say each time?

  8. The power company has an automated system, so I never actually talked to a human being from the power company.

  9. The curse of technology! As much as I love it, it's times like this where I feel like a helpless Cub Scout left in the woods to rot. How did we ever survive without the power of 3G let alone, how will we survive when it doesn't work now?!